On Corridor H West between Elkins and Weston, four-year-old "Robert C. Byrd Highway" signs have been joined by shiny new blue ones that read, "Robert C. Byrd Appalachian Highway System." Have you seen these on other corridors?

Our curiosity got the better of us, and so for the past month we have endured full-body security precautions to get into the secret Robert C. Byrd Sign Shop. Finally, after the CAT scan, we were taken by a shadowy escort far beneath the Allegheny Front, on the old southern route of Corridor H, into a space originally designed for a tunnel but now much enlarged. There we found Pitney Arbogast working at a giant computer. He turned off the monitor as we approached. He was quite affable and willing to answer our questions.

According to Mr. Arbogast, new signs became necessary after the Robert C. Byrd Highway was added to the Robert C. Byrd Freeway, Robert C. Byrd Expressway, Robert C. Byrd Drive, and Robert C. Byrd Bridge. "The truckers didn’t know where they were," he said. "Some of them tried to drive onto the Robert C. Byrd Lock and Dam. So we made up a sign to let them know they were always on the Robert C. Byrd System. Now they can't get lost."

"That Appalachian Highway System is nearly forty years old, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes, but you know the Interstates are even older and they just got around to putting up signs for the ‘Eisenhower Interstate System’."

"We thought the Appalachian Regional Commission was President Kennedy’s idea. Why not call it the John F. Kennedy Appalachian Highway System?"

"Not in West Virginia."

"Can we expect more new signs?"

"You bet. Once we realized how confusing it was for the truckers, we began to think of the ordinary citizen. There’s the Robert C. Byrd Industrial Park, Technology Center, Aerospace and Technology Center, Hospitality and Tourism Center, Cancer Research Center, Hardwood Center, Visitors Center, Community Center, High School, and Institute for Advanced Flexible Manufacturing. And many more parks, centers, schools, institutes, and federal buildings to come. Not to mention the statues. People need to be reassured that it's all one thing, really."

Mr. Arbogast turned on the monitor. Immediately, a set of signs in authoritative hues of deep blue, brown, and black appeared on the screen: "Robert C. Byrd Economic System." "Robert C. Byrd Educational System." "Robert C. Byrd Financial System."

We agreed that the signs looked smooth and reassuring. Mr. Arbogast said they weren’t finished. "By the end of the week, we have to decide whether to add "Appalachian," for consistency. What do you think?"

We sympathized with the difficulty of his work. "Robert C. Byrd Appalachian Financial System" conveyed a certain ambiguity.

Our shadowy escort was becoming impatient. He was so shadowy we could not glimpse his face no matter how quickly we turned our heads. "That"s what comes of leaving these things to narrow-minded technocrats," he said.

"What would you suggest?"

"Skip the small stuff. Go direct to the ‘Robert C. Byrd System of Life As We Know It’."